MY MOM ANN
The phone rings; it’s 7:00 am, I’m still groggy from sleep. A voice on the other end introduces themselves as nurse so and so, from the hospital. My mother has just passed away. A call I was not unexpecting, but it still hits you like a hammer. I immediately call my sister Susan who is already at work and let her know. I can still feel the vibration of her wailing, the guttural, primal cry of a wounded soul. Susan has just lost her best friend. It’s time to get up to the hospital and make arrangements. It’s December 20th, three days before our family’s flight to Tokyo.
One of my often used sayings is everything in life has a beginning a middle and an end. While I wasn’t there for my mother’s beginning, I can safely say I was certainly there for much of the middle and most definitely at the end.
This visual story is an accounting of the final weeks of my mother Ann’s life. During the first week of December, she suffered a devestating stroke that left her unable to speak and unable to swallow. At the time, we were hopeful it was just a minor setback, perhaps another urinary tract infection, perhaps something else not too serious. We didn’t realize that the stroke she suffered and the next few weeks would be her end story.
As I write this it’s now approaching May, over four months since those early days in December. Many of the images I took I’m not really comfortable in sharing. Nor do I think, if my mother was alive, she would want to be remembered in that way. To honour her and her memory, these images I hope will give you visual cues to what we experienced. It was a brutally difficult time for our all of us. My mother was the beloved matriarch of our clan and knowing that we would never have another chat, another laugh, another hug was and still is a painful thought.
The images take us from the early days when my mom was still alert and seemingly aware of her surroundings to the day of her passing on December 20, 2023.
Besides our family members, my mom had the constant and loving care from her primary caregivers Roxie and Margie, two people who are heroes in my book. And of course the many wonderful doctors and nurses and support staff at Cortellucci Vaughan Hospital.
As an epilogue, I can only say I hope that I have as many people surrounding me in my final days as my mother had. While there were many years where I can admit to us having our differences, I can also say that the final years, with her memory and health declining, were the most happy between us. They say that people with dementia can go one of two ways; they can become angry and bitter or they can become loving and caring. My mother was definitely in the latter camp. Her genuine joy in seeing us when we entered her apartment every Sunday was heartwarming. She expressed to us how important we were to her and how much she appreciated us being in her life. There was nothing that was left unsaid.
All of us, my wife Alice as well as our sons Maximilian and Solomon witnessed on a weekly basis the love of a kind, caring and grateful women. She was lovingly referred to by our sons as “The Bubinator”. I don’t think she was fond of that nickname but it definitely captured something of the iconic status she had in our family.
Jewish people say “May her memory be a blessing”. We were definitely blessed having such a loving person in our life. I hope the images speak for themselves and give you a sense of those weeks up at Cortellucci.
We made it to our flight to Tokyo. I kept reminding myself, it’s what my mom would have wanted. Thanks mom.
SHOT WITH THE FUJIFILM X-PRO3, XF 27MM, XF35MM F2
Ann Kahn: 1929 - 2024
JAPAN - TOKYO - PART II
Ten days, and an earthquake later, we arrived back in Tokyo for the final few days of our trip. There were so many special moments of our second stay in Tokyo. Our ryokan, the Yuenbettai Daita was mere steps from the train station. I guess you could describe the Yuenbettai Daita as being a modern interpretation of a ryokan. It felt like a ryokan re-invented. The area (city) that it’s in is called Setagaya which quickly became my new favorite place in Japan. Coming from Toronto where developers rule the roost and seem to have only one priority and that’s to line their bank accounts, Setagaya is a community where the developers would actually want to live there. It’s urban design by really smart, talented people.
So onto the highlights. We had a super delicious pour over coffee experience on the first part of our Tokyo trip @binyacoffeeten but on the advise of my friend and official coffee aficionado Len, we found our way about 15 minutes from our ryokan to @bearpondespresso which I quickly found out, roasts and serves beans that are simply out of this world. I think we went there three days in a row to get our daily fix, each time buying more beans and trinkets to bring home. I can’t recommend them enough. The only thing missing was the owner, Katsu San was away during that week so we didn’t get to watch the master at work.
Another highlight of the trip was our time with Alice’s cousin Peter and his family. On our first day back in Tokyo Peter took us to a Harry Potter exhibition where according to Peter, there is very fresh and very reasonable sushi. It sounded just way too touristy for me, but when in Rome. So apparently other folks know about this particular spot. 2-1/2 hours later we finally sat down to eat and oh my, it was just outstanding. And so reasonably priced you can’t believe the value. For about ¥3,800 (about $38 CAD) I ate enough super fresh sushi to totally fill me up. And we got to watch Peter’s spectacular son Ken (nicknamed Natto Boy for a reason) wolf down enough natto to choke a horse. The kid’s amazing (and super cute).
On the last day and final hours of our stay in Tokyo (and Setagaya) we went back to Bear Pond for yet another hit of caffeine and wandered around the area looking for a quick lunch before the train ride to Haneda Airport. A few feet from our coffee spot we noticed a line was forming by a tiny shop. It was only 11:30 am. Our internet savvy sons looked the spot up and found out it was a Michelin rated hand pulled noodle shop. So we got in line which, not surprisingly moved along pretty briskly… it is a noodle shop after all. I think we all ordered hand pulled noodles with wontons (our family has a thing for wontons) and we were not disappointed. As far as last meals go, we definitely went out with a bang. It was simple and delicious. End of story.
To wrap this up, there’s really no way to include all of the fun things we did in Japan. I haven’t even described the Jazz Kissa’s (Jazz BigBoy being a highlight) or the record shopping at disc union - @discunionshinjukijazz. Nor the terrific omakaze dinner we had with our Japanese distributors for @uberlight. Not to mention the 15,000 + steps we did every day to explore this amazing country.
Sometimes after a long journey you feel exhausted, almost ready for another vacation. The exact opposite has happened after this trip. Japan was exactly the tonic that we all needed. We are already thinking about our next Japan adventure (hopefully without the earthquake drama). It might be time to start learning some Japanese. Until next time, Sayonara.
SHOT WITH THE FUJIFILM X-PRO3, XF 27mm
TOKYO PART II IN COLOR
JAPAN - KANAZAWA
We arrived by bullet train in Kanazawa on December 30th, the plan was to spend New Year’s in the nice “quiet” setting of this smaller city. Alice had another surprise for me (the first being the K5 hotel in Tokyo with it’s in room stereo, turntable and records). As we walked into the Kaname Inn, greeting us in the lounge was a pair of Garrard 301 turntables (for DJ use), McIntosh amp and preamp and a set of Tannoy vintage loudspeakers. Oh and a wall of LP’s. Things were definitely looking up.
There were lots of sites worth exploring in Kanazawa, but I had the feeling that we were all interested in relaxing and not doing too much… winding down for the New Year. Getting a restaurant to eat on New Year’s eve was a bit dicey, but our hotel came through for us.
On New Year’s day, the plan was to go out for a very casual, lazy walk through the Kenrokuen Gardens and the famous Higashi Chaya Geisha District. On the walk back to our hotel, Alice’s iPhone alarm warning went off and a split second later we felt the ground under us shake with an intensity that was frightening. The buildings around us rattled, as did trees and pretty much everything else. I guess the whole event lasted not more than a minute. It felt much longer.
We found out later that the epicenter for the earthquake was in the Ishikawa prefecture (the same one Kanazawa is located in) a mere 116 km from where we were staying. Of course we were never in any real danger. Our friends and families back home needn’t have worried, but it was a very scary and intense event. The aftershocks were another new experience, having our fifth floor hotel room shake and sway was nerve racking to say the least.
Once things settled down, the next problem to solve was how the heck we were going to get back to Tokyo the next day. All trains going into and out of Kanazawa had been cancelled. Assuming the worse, Alice got online and booked us a flight out of Kanazawa to Tokyo on the first flight she could book which was three days later on the Friday.
While we were stewing with the prospect of spending two extra days in Kanazawa, we could see on the train systems mobile app that trains were supposedly resuming the day after (January 2nd) at 3:00 pm. We decided to go for it, dispatching Maximilian and Solomon to the train station to “scope out” the situation. While we were waiting to hear from them we packed up and checked out of the hotel. In a short while, they texted that the trains were resuming at 3:00 pm and they were in line, so we needed to get over there.
If they hadn’t gone three hours early and waited in line, we likely would have spent at least an extra day in Kanazawa. It all kind of worked out in the end. The reserved train seat we had that was cancelled was gone, but we were able to find four seats (we were second in line). The train was jam packed with people, literally like sardines for most of the four hours to Tokyo. This was a high speed bullet train but it felt more like the Slow Train To Oxmox, stopping at train stations along the way to pick up otherwise abandoned passengers. I’m not quite sure how so many people fit on that train but the passengers, mostly locals were all polite and taking it in stride. Alice cancelled the flight she had booked and other than the aggravation and slight delay, we were back on track for the final part of our journey… Tokyo Part 2.
SHOT WITH THE FUJIFILM X-PRO3, XF 27mm, XF 35MM F2
KANAZAWA IN COLOR
JAPAN - Nagano
The K5 hotel in Tokyo was a lovely modern oasis in the bustle of the big city. The hotel had all of the amenities one needed. The big surprise though, was an in room stereo complete with turntable and records. It’s located right across from the Tokyo Stock Exchange so fairly central and easy to get to.
On December 28th we took a bullet train to Nagano, then a shorter ride on a local train to our first ryokan in north Nagano. Complete with tatami mats on the floors and the requisite futon bed (although ours seemed to be made with memory foam), it certainly was a lot more on the rustic side, but still very nice. Jinpyokaku Honten - @jinpyokakuhonten was just a short walk from the main event, the famous snow monkeys, located at the base of Joshinetsu Kogen National Park.
We were warned about snow and icy conditions, but as luck would have it, neither were a factor. The walk was a couple of km’s up the winding mountain. It was quite lovely actually, a lot of tourists but it was very manageable. And the adorable snow monkeys didn’t disappoint, not to mention the guy dressed in a tiger outfit.
On the walk down back to our ryokan, a women in a stall to the side of the road was cooking sweet potatoes over an open fire. We stopped to taste the local apples as well as a very tender sweet potato.. it was the best thing I had eaten in a day where the ryokan had prepared us a breakfast feast. It was simple and delicious. Memorable in fact.
After our snow monkey adventure we took a walk into town and discovered the wide range of onten’s (steam baths) that are available to the locals and the tourists. Lots of skiing is done up here as well (Winter Olympics anyone?). We stopped for a light snack bought a few treats at a local shop and headed back to our ryokan for a hot bath in the natural springs and a rest before dinner.
We only stayed in Nagano for two nights but it was a restful respite from the busy start to our holiday in Tokyo. If we had more time, there are so many beautiful towns in this area. Definitely worth exploring on our next trip to Japan. And I’ll definitely be back for more of those sweet potatoes.
SHOT WITH THE FUJIFILM X-PRO3, XF 27mm, XF 35MM F2
NAGANO IN COLOR
Next up, Kanazawa…
JAPAN - TOKYO PART 1
Traveling again to Asia. It’s something that I couldn’t really fathom until it actually happened.
Only three days before my mother (Ann) passed away after suffering a stroke. I was steadfast that we were not going to cancel our trip, but honestly, until we got on the plane I thought there was always the possibility that it wasn’t going to happen.
For various reasons, I was single minded that we should not cancel. The three weeks leading up to my mom’s passing were, whether I realized it at the time or not, totally exhausting. Getting away was exactly what I needed and likely the same for Alice, Maximilian and Solomon. It was a tough time for all of us.
So here I am, back in Toronto for more than a week and I’ve been busy reviewing, culling and processing the images that mean something, okay and also look good ;-) This is usually a fairly simple task except I took over seven hundred images, probably about three times the amount that I’m used to taking. Maybe it’s pent up energy that needed an outlet, maybe it’s my frame of mind or maybe it was the outstanding light that seems to appear almost daily in Japan.
There are way too many images to pack into one blog post so I’ll attempt to break this up by the cities we visited and hope it conveys something about the wonderful time we had in Japan, the polite and thoughtful people and that incredible light.
Of course, it all starts in Tokyo.
SHOT WITH THE FUJIFILM X-PRO3, XF 27mm, XF 35MM F2
tOKYO IN COLOR
Next up, Nagano…
TEN THOUSAND STRONG
Last Sunday was a sunny, mild and gorgeous fall day in Toronto. The air had the crispness that’s made for a pick up football game, maybe a hot drink on the deck.
Instead, myself and about 10,000 fellow Jews found themselves in the middle of Toronto’s Christie Pits, holding and waving the flag of Israel and participating in a very peaceful rally to recognize the unimaginable hostage situation.
I can’t speak for anyone else… I have no illusions that his sort of gathering has any effect whatsoever on what the Hamas terrorists decide to do. But still, there is a catharsis from participating. Just being there, listening to the speakers tell their personal stories and experiencing first hand the very noticeable electricity in the air.
It’s not something that I can say I’ve felt before. And I have to admit I felt immense pride in being Jewish on this day, a sense of being part of a much bigger community.
There was great sadness in the crowd. There was also the typical type of kibitzing that you’ll see whenever you get this many Jews in one place. We are a resilient people after all.
Am Yisrael Chai
SHOT WITH THE FUJIFILM X-PRO3 AND XF 27mm
A WALK IN THE PARK
After a desperately long April, May finally arrived with some much needed sunshine. And finally some good light. I took some website images of my work crew earlier in the week and I was still in a black and white kind of mood.
As soon as Alice arrived home we headed out to the ravine by St. Clair. Funny how this is just a few minutes from our house but I don’t think we’ve walked through the underpass in many years. It felt just a little bit like a wilderness adventure. I’d forgotten how much I miss the feeling of dirt under my feet.
Once out of the ravine we headed further south to Dupont to head back west and home. it was just after 7:00 pm and the LCBO on Dupont was already closed as were all of the restaurants. I noticed the Krispy Kreme on Dupont was no longer opening during Covid-19. And there was no line-up at the Shoppers Drug Mart.
It’s funny the things you notice now, the small subtle changes to our everyday life. It’s like someone pushed the “slow” button. I realize for many people, the feeling is more like the “pause” button”, but that’s still got to be better than the fast forward button right?
The universe no longer feels like it’s being pulled in a billion different ways. It’s still being pulled, but it doesn’t feel like it’s being pulled apart. I hate to admit it but there’s an awful lot to like.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PR02, XF35MM F2
SHOOTING SQUARE
I’ve no idea how many times I’ve walked along Geary Ave. west of Ossington as well as Dupont St, between our house and Spadina Ave. Certainly dozens of times in the twenty five years we’ve lived in Hillcrest Village.
You know you can walk by the same darn buildings over and over again and never really see them. Having quite a bit of extra time on my hands, last week I set up a photography training session with Pat @laroquephotogram for this morning and his last text to me after I sheepishly admitted to being a stranger to my camera for the last couple of weeks was… “Anyhoo… pick up your camera a little ;)
Now Pat is the not a member of the tribe, but that was the best impersonation of a Jewish mother I could have imagined. The only thing he didn’t add was “would it kill you”? Hey it worked! I finally got off my duff and ventured out the door with camera in hand and Alice at my side.
It was a lovely, not quite spring day. There were line-ups at the Shoppers Drug Mart so Alice could buy emergency bandage supplies (we stopped off at two Shoppers to get the appropriate emergency bandage sizes), a glazed donut and coffee at a very empty Krispy Kreme (cause if the world is ending, what the heck, might as well eat empty carbs), all while I desperately looked for something worth shooting so I wouldn’t be completely empty handed for today’s session.
Well there’s nothing like desperation for energizing your creativity. Building’s that I’ve walked by plenty of times were new again. I changed things up by shooting square, and I was pleasantly surprised at how different the experience of shooting is when you’re not battling a 3:2 ratio.
So here they are. A few desperate images for our desperate times. And hey, if you need any bandages you know who to call.
Stay safe everyone.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PR02, XF35MM F/2
SIGNS OF THE TIME
Our regular Saturday routine involves a couple of hours spent in Kensington Market doing our weekly shopping. I’ve likely posted about some of those excursions here. All of our supplies from toothpaste, to bread, meat, fish and fruit and veggies are all done in the market. In the various eateries you can sit down for lunch, stand up for lunch or take-out. So many options.
This is our routine, it’s part of the pulse of our weekend schedule. There’s not many surprises even with the occasional rant from the drug addicts or the buskers belting it out, trying to earn a little cash.
The signs were the canary in the coal mine. Each store front sported its own warning. Don’t come in, come in but don’t sit down. Don’t come in if there’s more than 5 of you. You get the idea.
The signs are up. I hope one day very soon they will all be taken down and we can sit or stand as we like.
Stay safe everyone.
SHOT WITH FUJI X100F
